I hate my life. Almost all of you have probably had this thought, or similar thoughts such as my life sucks run through your mind at some point. For some of you, these types of negative thoughts are constant. For others, these thoughts are more rare, but they really bring you down when they happen.
Sadly, there are many people who feel stuck in a life they don’t want. They blame themselves, but they also don’t do anything to change their circumstances. They either don’t feel deserving of happiness, so they self-sabotage. Or, they don’t think they are capable of change.
Some people are honestly just too lazy to do what it takes to make things better. These people hate themselves for not taking the action required to achieve success or change their lives. They want to change, but they feel depressed, lost, anxious, and hopeless.
Does this sound familiar to you?
It is not uncommon to have a fleeting I hate my life moment, on a really hard day, when everything goes wrong. But to be constantly hating your life for days, weeks, months, or years? That is a problem. No one should live that way.
Unfortunately, many people do feel this way, almost every day. There are particular stages of life where these I hate my life thoughts might be more likely to come up. For example, it’s common for coming-of-age millennials reaching young adulthood. It’s also common for these negative thoughts to surface when someone feels lost in life, or is around the age of retirement.
Everyone goes through hard times. People at any age, at any stage in their life, can and will struggle. Life would be boring if we never had to overcome any challenges, and everything was just handed to us. Be grateful for the hard times, because they make you a better person.
The wrong mindset during times of adversity can lead you to a life of darkness. I’ll tell you how self-hatred impacts your life and what behaviors are keeping you stuck in it. Then, I’ll tell you practical, realistic strategies that can bring you up out of the dark, so that you can see the light and rise into it. You don’t need to hate your life or yourself anymore.
Why Do You Feel Stuck in Life?
When you’re stuck in that I hate my life mindset, it can seem impossible to get out. You can’t seem to envision a light at the end of the tunnel. You start to forget who you used to be, and how you felt before you hated your life.
The more you think thoughts of self-hatred and despair, the deeper you sink into them. You’ll start to become familiar with negativity, and it’ll seem normal to have negative thought patterns. This is not what you want.
Hating yourself or your life is ultimately just an excuse to keep living a crappy life. It is you who is choosing to view your life through a negative lens. This not only makes you feel terrible, it also holds you back from reaching your full potential. You get stuck in the vicious cycle of only continuing to feel worse about yourself as you talk yourself out of opportunities and procrastinate taking any constructive action.
If you want to stay stuck, go ahead and keep saying “I hate my life” over and over. But if you want more, then you need to turn your thinking around. Self-improvement is within your reach. You have the power to shift into positive thinking, and become the best version of yourself. It’s all within your power. Improving your life is nobody else’s job – it’s your job.
You have the power to shift into positive thinking, and become the best version of yourself. It’s all within your power. Improving your life is nobody else’s job – it’s your job. Click To Tweet
As the famous French novelist and critic Marcel Proust said, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”
What did Proust mean by having “new eyes”? Essentially, the way you look at yourself and your life has to change. Remember that the glass can be half full, or half empty. It’s all perspective. You probably just need a newfound boost of confidence. If you are always thinking, I hate my life, then do you know what else you need? A fresh perspective, a new mindset, and a new lens through which to view your life and the world.
Incredibly Successful People Who Once Hated Their Life
Walt Disney was, at one time, a struggling filmmaker who was forced to file for bankruptcy when his first cartoon business failed. Stephen King’s first novel was rejected by publishing houses over 30 times. Jim Carrey used to be homeless. Johnny Depp was a broke telemarketer before he became a famous actor.
Oprah overcame discrimination, poverty, and family tragedy. Vera Wang spent her adolescence training to become an Olympic figure skater, and when she failed, she simply skated into a new venture in fashion.
Some of the world’s most successful people overcame major obstacles and probably at one time hated their life. If they got out of their darkness, so can you.
What Does Hating Your Life Look Like?
People who hate their life often just need to get their house in order. What that means is, get your sh*t together. Get organized and get it together.
Many people who hate their life also feel lost. They haven’t figured out what they want in life. Are you one of the many people who often thinks, I don’t know what to do with my life, and you’re unsure of how to gain clarity? If so, you might be feeling unsure of who you are, what you’re good at, and what you’re meant to do with your life.
Maybe the exact thought I hate my life has not crossed your mind in those exact terms. But there are countless different ways to phrase this idea to yourself. For example, you might have low self-esteem, and tell yourself you aren’t good enough. Perhaps you think there’s so much you need to change and improve about yourself, that you don’t know where to start. All you know is that you hate how things are right now. You may feel that the way you are living does not match your potential. Or, you might believe that you are not exemplifying the best version of yourself. You might sometimes wonder what you could do to change that, and then become overwhelmed when searching for ideas to better yourself.
Some people look around at their home, career, social circle, and think, This isn’t what I want, or How did it get this bad? People who hate their life often wonder, Where did I go wrong? And, Can things get better?
Have you noticed a common trend to these types of thoughts? Let me give it to you straight: These thoughts are classic self-pity and self-loathing, mixed with a lack of gratitude.
If you hate your life, you’re probably great at coming up with excuses to shirk responsibility for your own self-improvement. That’s ironic, isn’t it? Bettering yourself is nobody’s responsibility other than your own. Yet you keep coming up with excuses, and you choose to remain the same, thus choosing to stay miserable.
I hate my life is the type of message that circulates in your mind when you are committed to avoiding change, or stuck in self-hatred. You see everything that is going wrong, or isn’t what you think it should be. Every aspect of your life where you could have something more or something better is obvious. So why not do something about it?
If hating yourself was working for you, would you be reading this article right now? No, I didn’t think so.
I’m going to tell you what leads people to thinking “I hate my life.” I’ll share some of the classic BS reasons why people hate their life. A BS reason is a reason that could easily be changed, and is therefore invalid. So, let’s go over some of the BS reasons why you hate your life.
1. You’re Ungrateful
Do you count your blessings, or count your troubles? Unfortunately, it’s extremely common for people to focus on all of the things they hate about their lives, instead of focusing on the positive things they’re grateful for. Being ungrateful and focusing on your list of ‘troubles’ can lead to you deciding, I hate my life, instead of being grateful for what you have.
Maltbie D. Babcock once said, “Better to lose count while naming your blessings than to lose your blessings to counting your troubles.”
In other words, if you spend too much time thinking about your troubles, and not enough time being grateful for your blessings, you’ll end up thinking I hate my life because you’re failing to think about what there is to be grateful for.
In fact, you can actually start losing your blessings by getting distracted by your troubles. Your partner might leave you because you complain too much, or your boss might fire you because you have a terrible attitude at work. Those are just a couple of examples of blessings you could lose because you spend too much time thinking about your troubles.
It’s possible that your life isn’t as bad as you think. You just need to reframe your mindset and start practicing gratitude for all the things you have to be thankful for. Remember that there are people who have been dealt much worse cards than you.
2. You Compare Yourself to Others
When do you have these “I hate my life” thoughts most often? Is it often during times you are scrolling on social media, comparing yourself to others? It is almost impossible to scroll through feeds of people showing only the best parts of their days and lives without feeling that your life is inadequate in comparison.
How can you not feel that familiar self-loathing when the happiness, success and accomplishments of others is in your face all day? It’s not just the glamorous lifestyles of celebrities that bother us. Often the feeds of the people we know – friends, colleagues, acquaintances – can be the most damaging. These people know our lives too, and we might worry about their judgement of us if they’re doing this well, and they know we don’t measure up.
Comparing yourself to others is a BS reason to hate your life, because you don’t know anyone’s full story. All you see on social media is what others want you to see. You only see the highlight reel of the best moments of their life. You don’t typically get to see their hardships, struggles, or embarrassing moments. So stop comparing yourself to people who may not have that great of a life after all.
3. You’re a Lazy Procrastinator
Are you a procrastinator? Time-waster? Generally a lazy person? Do you binge-watch Netflix shows instead of doing other things you should be doing? Should you really be working, doing laundry, going to the gym, or doing household chores? If you procrastinate all the time, you’ll hate your life, because any leisure time will be unearned and therefore difficult to enjoy.
Tim Urban, who did a famous TED talk on procrastination, refers to the time spent procrastinating as, “the Dark Playground”. He says,
The Dark Playground is a place every procrastinator knows well. It’s a place where leisure activities happen at times when leisure activities are not supposed to be happening. The fun you have in the Dark Playground isn’t actually fun because it’s completely unearned and the air is filled with guilt, anxiety, self-hatred, and dread.
People who procrastinate don’t make the most out of each day. They lack that satisfying feeling of accomplishment, because they keep putting important things off. If you stop procrastinating, you’ll lead a happier and more fulfilled life.
4. You Don’t Believe in Yourself
Success doesn’t require that others believe in you nearly as much as it matters that you believe in yourself. How will you succeed in life if you don’t believe that you will?
William J. H. Boetcker said, “Your success depends mainly upon what you think of yourself and whether you believe in yourself.”
Low self-esteem, a lack of confidence and not believing in yourself can all cause feelings of hating your life. If you gain some confidence and start believing in yourself, you’ll notice that those I hate my life thoughts start dissipating.
Henry Ford said it best: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
5. You Hate Your Job
If you are stuck in a job where you are overworked, undervalued, and underpaid, with no room for advancement, the “I hate my life” thoughts are understandable. Perhaps you feel stuck at a job you hate, because you don’t have the education, training, or skills you think you need to get out or get ahead.
You may feel unsure of how to improve your situation because you don’t have access to a great mentor, or access to opportunities. You may think that there’s no hope of starting a different career path if you’ve been in the same field for a long time, and have low confidence in your ability to start over with something new. Guess what? That’s all BS.
If you hate your job, start looking for another career path. It’s as simple as that. Learn a new high-income skill, or enroll in a modern skills training program that will lead you to a new and exciting career.
6. You’re Broke
Instead of thinking, I hate my life, because you’re broke, why don’t you brainstorm some solutions? You could go through your belongings and sell some things you no longer use. People make hundreds of dollars per month selling their things on ebay, and you could do it, too. You could also get a side hustle, such as a freelance writing job on the side, and work from home to make extra money. An even better idea to earn more money is to learn a high-income skill.
7. You’re Cheap
Being cheap is different than being broke, and it’s another reason why you might not be living your best life. People who are cheap tend to hate their life because they’re so cheap that they never have any fun. This makes sense, right? Since having fun costs money, and so does going shopping or going to the spa to treat yourself, cheap people don’t do those things. Some people can afford to have fun or treat themselves to nice things sometimes, but just refuse to, because they’re too frugal.
Don’t forget how important self-care is. If you seek happiness, you must take care of yourself. Sometimes this will involve spending money on yourself, so stop being cheap, and just take care of you.
8. You Don’t Get Along With Others
Are you an easy person to get along with? Or, do you complain a lot, and get upset about every little innocuous things your friends do or say? You’re going to hate your life if you’re constantly picking fights with your friends, your partner, or your family members. You must learn to pick your battles, instead of getting upset about every little thing.
Having a support system is important in life. You need friends and family in your corner. So, make an effort to get along with people.
Take the high road, swallow your pride, argue less, and watch what happens. Life will get better as your relationships with others get better.
A full and happy life involves healthy relationships with other people. If you don’t get along with others, or you isolate yourself from others, you’ll constantly be thinking, I hate my life. You’ll be lonely. You’ll be depressed.
So, make plans with friends. And when you see your friends, don’t be a downer. Don’t be negative. Be someone who others want to be around. It’s not just about arguing less, it’s also about offering positive energy to others, instead of always bringing negative energy to the table. If you’re in a bad mood, seek a distraction instead of seeking pity. View your friends as people who can uplift you, instead of being that downer who tries to get sympathy from others.
9. Your Home is a Mess
If you live like a slob, your apartment is a mess, and your car is a mess, what happens? What happens when you get home and see your home in such disarray? You might think I hate my life because you hate how messy your environment is. But this can easily be fixed. If you feel too overwhelmed by the mess, just hire a cleaning service. Yes, it costs money, but it’s worth every dollar because you’ll feel at peace when your home is tidy.
When your home is pristine, clean, and decluttered, you know what you might realize? It may become evident that you didn’t hate your life, you just hated your messy environment.
10. You Haven’t Yet Discovered Your Passion or Your Gift
Life changes when you discover your gift. Your core talent. What you’re best at. And, if that aligns with what you’re passionate about, that’s even better. If you haven’t figured out what you’re passionate about yet, or haven’t discovered your gift yet, what should you do? Start experimenting and exploring the depths of yourself. You’ll figure it out if you try.
11. You’re Single
The reason why being single is a BS reason to hate your life is because there are perks to being single that you’re failing to recognize. Being single is actually a great opportunity to work on yourself. You have a lot of extra time when you’re single, to focus on you.
Take this time to focus on self-improvement, and consider the blessings of being single. At this stage in your life, you can be a little more selfish, do things for yourself, and figure out what you want.
12. You’re Too Sedentary
If you have the type of job that allows you to sit all day long, then perhaps you lead a very sedentary lifestyle. Freelance writers, graphic designers, and accountants are just a few examples of jobs some people have that enable them to sit in a chair all day.
The endorphins people get when they exercise or do something active helps boost their mood. That’s why being inactive all day can lead to unhappiness. So what’s the solution? If you have a sedentary job, you need to find time to be active. Preferably outdoors whenever possible, since spending time in nature has been scientifically linked to happiness.
If you have to take a business call with a client, why not get out of your chair and go for a walk while you talk to your client? When you’re not working, plan a hike or a gym session. Get moving and be more active, because you need those endorphins to boost your mood. Sure, you could just sit in a chair while you work all day, and then move to the couch when you’re finished working. But then you’re just keep on hating your life. Nobody is going to force you to do something active, but you’ll be a lot happier if you make that choice for yourself.
13. Empty Nest or Retirement
Does your home feel lonely because your children have grown up and moved out? This is what’s referred to as an “empty nest” and can lead to a sense of imbalance, a loss of purpose, and loneliness.
Similarly, retirement can lead to a loss of purpose, boredom, and anxiety. If you’re retired, it’s up to you to find hobbies you enjoy that fill the time, such as traveling or playing golf.
If you’re not retired but you’re feeling lost because you have an empty nest, what then? Again, you’ll have to find new ways to feel fulfilled.
“I’m too old to start over” is a classic BS excuse people use when they think they’re too old to start fresh. The truth is, it’s never too late to try something new. It’s never too late to discover new interests, change careers, or develop new skills.
I’ve talked to people in their 40s who felt regret about unmet potential, but felt like it was too late to change. It’s never too late to reach a higher potential. Remember that.
Do You Really Have a Reason to Hate Your Life?
Some people have more valid reasons to hate their life than the reasons we just went through. Some people have reasons that are less BS and more legitimate. Personal reasons are often the catalyst for triggering depression and hopelessness. This includes traumatic incidents, or major life changes such as a divorce, or getting fired from your dream job. Or, you could be feeling this way because you moved to a new city and in the process, lost friends, family, and community connections.
Even when the reasons you hate your life seem valid, I still believe that the right mindset can prevent a downward spiral.
If you resonate with having I hate my life thoughts running through your mind everyday, don’t make the mistake of tolerating this way of life. Depressed people often don’t seek treatment because they can still hold down a job and they believe that they have high-functioning depression. They’re getting by, and they tell themselves they’re fine. Some people think being depressed is just how they are, so they better get used to it. But since there are heavy consequences to living with depression, it’s worth seeking change. You don’t have to accept this way of life as permanent.
The time to change is now. The longer you are dragged down by these negative feelings, the harder it will be to get out. The weight of these feelings will decrease your energy, motivation and confidence. It becomes a vicious cycle when you keep thinking, I hate my life, but you don’t do anything to change your life, and then you hate yourself even more for not doing anything about it. Your stress continues to increase, and then you’re at more risk for mental and physical health issues. You start isolating yourself more and more, due to feelings of shame and inadequacy.
What eventually happens? The vicious cycle becomes a downward spiral. But you don’t have to wait until you hit rock bottom to finally get motivated to change. Instead, you can change your ways now, and stop the downward spiral today.
End The Negative Self-Talk and Stop Making Excuses
A growth mindset requires that you end negative self-talk, stop making excuses, and stop placing limitation on yourself. When you think, “I can’t do it because . . .” or “I can’t change because . . . ”, or “There’s no point because . . . ” you’re just making excuses. Think about the excuses you are using.
Even worse than making excuses is shirking responsibility. Stop saying things like, “Everything will work out eventually,” while you shrug your shoulders. No, everything will not work out if you just sit back and do nothing. If you want things to get better, you have to stand up and do something to change your circumstances.
Take Action and Improve Your Life
The first step is self-awareness of your destructive habits. If one of your bad habits is a negative attitude, re-frame the way you view situations, and think positively. There’s a reason why Dr. Norman Vincent Peale’s book The Power of Positive Thinking is an international bestseller.
Start believing in yourself, and remember that people with much worse challenges overcame adversity and became incredibly successful. Be grateful for what you have now, even while you strive to achieve more.
Another thing you need to do is stop wasting your time comparing yourself to others, and instead use your time to come up with an action plan. Write down a to-do list of real, actionable steps you can take to get out of your darkness. Real issues need real solutions. On your list, you might write things like “Clean up and declutter my apartment”, or “Enroll in a training program to upgrade my skills.”
I also want you to pay attention to the excuses you are using throughout the day. Make a list of them. Become more conscious of the automatic thoughts. Write down a challenge/countering thought. Re-frame excuses as challenges and opportunities for growth.
Finally, I want you to take on new challenges. Learn new skills. Develop more confidence in your abilities. Surprise yourself with what you’re capable of.
You Are Not Your Weaknesses
I mentor a very supportive community of closers that develop themselves personally and professionally through my High-Ticket Closer Certification Program. In my program, people make new friends, new connections, and become better versions of themselves. People also develop more self-confidence and open themselves up to great opportunities. If being financially stuck, or confused in your career direction are some of your core issues, watch my free training video.