Do you feel overshadowed by someone in your life, like a co-worker or someone close to you?
Don’t worry. You’re not alone. More than ever, especially in relationships with an entrepreneur, spouses feel left behind. Why? Because more and more people leave the 9-5 model and build a business. If one partner stays back in the “old life,” they often don’t understand the decisions that the other makes.
This lack of understanding can lead to more arguments, loss of romance or even divorce.
Isn’t it true? Your partner’s entrepreneurship came with a significant shift in mindset and behaviour: Long hours, sleepless nights… It seems that the business is replacing you in your loved one’s attention, doesn’t it?
If you worry about your relationship, friendship or family, read on. This article will show you how to bridge that gap you are experiencing. Have you ever thought about measuring up to your friends or your partner?
Now, you don’t even need to become an entrepreneur to do that, should you not want to. This article is about saving relationships, romantic or not, by improving who you are.
But this doesn’t mean you need to change who you are. The problems you face are not your fault. You are trying your best, but nobody told you how to be a better version of yourself. How would it impact your relationships, if you could close this distance between you and your partner… While still being yourself? Imagine you could laugh together again, talk and grow at the same pace. In this article, you will discover what is stopping you from that and how to break through those barriers.
If You Feel Overshadowed, Change To Another Light Source
Imagine you would stand in the shadow of a big tree. As of now, it is blocking you from feeling the sunlight. It’s less hot there, but at the same time, you won’t get a nice tan.
It’s the same with you and your partner’s success. It’s comfortable in the shadows until you “pale” against the people who feel the sunlight daily.
There is another metaphor in there: To stay in the shadows, you need to move around the tree. The sun is moving, and if you stop running in circles around the tree, you are bound to feel the sun.
If you feel overshadowed, observe if you are not running around the proverbial tree. Are you designing your life around your partner? You see, there is an essential difference between being supportive and having no life of your own.
Dan says: “You can only be as supportive as your spouse allows you to be.” This saying is true in more ways than one. If you believe that you never will be as successful as your partner, this will hold you back.
Even if your partner would be supportive of you, you’ll compare yourself to them. That’s why we suggest changing the light source: View yourself in another light.
Compare yourself today to yourself yesterday. Have you improved? Have you done something for your dreams? That is everything that counts. Chasing someone else’s results is like trying to run in their footsteps.
But if you always run in the footsteps of someone else, you will never surpass them. But you also will never be equal to them. This way, the best you’ll ever achieve is being one step behind your partner at all times.
You Only Feel Overshadowed If You Don’t Shine Yourself
But sometimes, being in the shadow too long will let you feel cold and dark. Now and then, your partner’s success shines through to you, and you might believe you should walk towards that. Like a moth that always flies towards the lantern.
What if you would have a light of your own? What if you were the sun of your own world? How would this change your relationships? What if you could shine some of your light back to your loved ones?
But what is that light inside you? It’s what you are good at. A talent, unique ability or even just a hobby you enjoy. If you don’t know what this hidden light inside you is, don’t worry. You can find it. How?
You see, we all have special talents that are deep inside us. But most people are raised to accept a life of mediocrity. They live with the belief that being average is good. They believe standing out is “craving attention.” If you believe that, too, why would you ever want to stand in the spotlight for an accomplishment?
You can break through that limitation if you learn to accept praise and to be proud of yourself. People fear rejection; that’s why social phobias are the most common fears people have.
If you feel confident in your skills and abilities, you trust yourself to bring results. With that confidence, how much better will you feel when you’re around with others? How would you feel about and showing yourself?
If you realize that nobody will judge you for showing yourself, you drop the fear of rejection. You’ll glow up and allow yourself to dare and try out new paths for yourself.
You Feel Overshadowed If You Don’t Value A Growing Flame
The third reason why you feel overshadowed by others is if you don’t value your results. This ties into the point from before: If you believe you can’t reach someone, you won’t. But this goes deeper.
Everyone starts small, and if you don’t celebrate the small wins, how will you ever build on them?
That’s like blowing out a small flame while trying to make a campfire. You need the low flame to get the big one. But if you always kill the small fire because it’s not big enough yet, you won’t feel warmth anytime soon.
And sometimes, you might not even recognize the size of your own ability. We are so used to downplay our successes that we lose track of their real value. It’s a little bit like watching the stars. They look like small little dots on the sky, but in reality, they are massive suns, bigger than our solar system.
Who said that this couldn’t be you? How often have you rejected a compliment with ahh, it’s not that good? How did you feel about the praise? Chances are you didn’t believe it was real. That’s normal if If you have been living with these invisible chains holding you back.
They just said so to make me feel good.
They are only trying to be nice.
They didn’t see all the mistakes I made yet.
But are you surprised about that? When was the last time you said to yourself: Well done, I’m proud of myself, this was awesome! Probably a long time ago, if ever, correct? If you want to fix that issue, read on. You’ll discover six behaviours that cause you to feel overshadowed and how to fix them.
Six Behaviours That Guarantee You Will Feel Overshadowed – And How To Fix Them
Dan said it multiple times: Thoughts create emotions. Emotions create actions. Actions form habits. Habits form our character, and our character defines our destiny.
If your thoughts are following the negative programming you lived by for years, you most likely won’t feel pride without guilt.
And to match those feelings, your behaviours will result in self-sabotage.
You can never outperform your inner self-image.
Now, it is hard to spot where the thoughts are going wrong, but your behaviours are apparent.
Let’s take a look at which ones are stopping you from stepping out of the shadow and find the light inside you.
1. You allow yourself to get caged by comfort
Imagine that you were a lion. You would run around in nature and hunt with confidence and grace. Suddenly, you got caught and put into a cage, tamed. Day after day, your life in the wilderness became a faded memory.
You knew you could hunt, but you wouldn’t have to. You got food every day. What would you think after a while? Can I still do this? Do I still have what it takes? Most 9-5 employees feel that way. They know they could achieve greatness, but they sacrifice their dreams for safety.
Especially those employees that got laid off realized now that this security was not as stable as they thought. That’s why many people are now looking to build an online business. They took the layoff as a chance to change their lives around and become fulfilled.
2. You allow others to chain you down
Don’t be a show-off! Don’t try to stand out, who do you think you are? Why can’t you be happy with what you have? Why are you so greedy/arrogant/selfish?
Does this sound familiar? Then you probably have people in your life who try to limit your growth. If you are affected by this criticism, you will stop executing an idea shortly before you start.
It wouldn’t work anyways. Better think about it first. And then you never you do it. How many chances have you allowed to pass by just to please someone else? The question is: For what? For Whom? Why?
If you allow someone to kill your dreams, what do they gain? What do you achieve if nothing changes? You see, people often don’t want their loved ones to change because they are afraid to lose them.
Check yourself- have you been showing the same behaviour towards your successful spouse or friends? Would you fear losing them if you could join them? Probably not. Make sure to check if you allow others to limit yourself.
If you were a supportive spouse, and no one could pull you down as well, how would your relationships change?
3. You Get Distracted Too Often
As you know now, if you feel overshadowed, it often means you feel inadequate. What can be the reason for this? In most cases, it’s a skill. If you have no expertise you are proud of, it’s hard to feel confident, isn’t it?
If you are wondering now: “Why do I not have a skill like that?” you’re asking a good question. You see, today, there are so many opportunities to learn skills. Online trainings, webinars, courses…
It’s so easy to learn that it became hard to focus. It sounds counter-intuitive, but the more opportunities you have, the less focused you’ll be. Most people don’t have the stamina or determination to follow through with a goal.
The start one course, quit halfway because the next thing looks better. This behaviour is what Dan calls “shiny object syndrome.” If you chase too many things, you will be a jack of all trades but a master of none.
The key to wealth is focusing on one thing at a time. Master one skill before you learn the next. This way, you’ll improve and feel better about yourself faster.
4. You Value Conventional Wisdom Over Your Own Needs
It’s easy to feel overshadowed if you think that everyone is ignoring your needs. But often it’s not the others who are ignoring what you want- it’s you.
Maybe you eat last because you prepare the meal and have to get up for everyone to give them seconds.
Maybe you don’t buy anything for yourself because someone else needs something more.
Or you work long hours because you are doing it for them. But are they appreciating it? Why are you not home more often? Are you working again? When do we have time with you?
And you endure all that, because this is how it is, right? This is how it should be…or not? Go to school, get a job, work 40 years and then enjoy your life. That’s what we hear in school, from our parents and conventional wisdom.
Don’t be an entrepreneur, being an employee is safer. If you believed that, what is your opinion now after the Corona crisis hit the world?
You see, if you always put yourself on the backburner, you won’t be able to flourish. A flower who never gets any sunlight will wither and die.
If this is you, stop for a minute and take a deep breath. Then take a pen and paper and write down what you want deep down. If this is very different from what you are doing now, you have an answer to why you feel overshadowed.
How do you change? With one hard truth: Sometimes, you have to be incredibly selfish to be incredibly generous. If you are barely able to walk, how can you carry another person on your back?
Make sure you are happy first, so you can make others happy, too.
5. You Are A Lone Wolf
Dan often said that he is not a self-made millionaire, but a team-made millionaire. If you look at the most successful people and their paths to success, you’ll notice a trend:
They all had teams behind them, investors, people who believed in them. You might have been burned in the past and now feel you’re better off alone. We all have been there. We all had either a friend who betrayed us, a lover who cheated, or a business partner who scammed us.
In business, this is like a rite of passage. You will not find a single entrepreneur whose journey to success was a breeze. But hardship is not a reason to turn your back on others. If anything, hardship is grounds to get closer and stick together.
What do you gain if you work alone? You can keep all the profit and all the credit. No one will sabotage you but you. What risks do you have when you don’t work with others?
You have to carry all the burden, pay for everything yourself and have to do everything yourself. Nobody is there if you get sick.
Dan says that the amount of money you make is directly proportional to the number of strangers you speak to every day.
The truth is, you never can be entirely alone if you want to make a living that is. You need clients or someone to hire you. And deep down, you probably know you need human contact. Don’t you want to be accepted, validated, cherished?
If you dare to be vulnerable, you might be surprised how much support you can get.
In Dan’s online community, people always are surprised by how supportive the group is. They can freely open up and don’t have to fear rejection from others.
6. You Don’t Contribute Enough
Now, this might sound like a contradiction to what we said before. There is a difference between doing what others need and contributing.
You see, if you do what others need, you are helping them—but contributing means that you do something for the community. You are doing something for people and create a legacy. Contribution is about using your success, wealth and blessing for others as well. By sharing your abundance, you can feel a new level of value.
Now you might ask- how can I feel overshadowed if I am so successful that I can give freely? Have you ever heard of people who are rich and feel unsatisfied and unhappy? That is not because they are rich. You don’t have to choose between money and happiness.
Those people are unhappy because human beings love to contribute. It fulfills them, and if you are missing this, you can easily feel overshadowed by someone else. This way, a top-grade manager might feel overshadowed by a nurse with way less income.
Yes, everyone can feel overshadowed, depending on the phase of life they are in. That’s okay because it’s only temporary. If you fix the problem behind it and get your self-confidence back, then you can change.
If You Feel Overshadowed By Your Loved Ones Do This
After reading all this, if you don’t want to feel overshadowed anymore, but don’t know what to do, we have advice for you.
Dan has found that depending on their stages of life. People tend to carry different mental blocks. He calls them wealth myths and invisible chains that tie you down. If you know those myths and chains, you can work on breaking them.
If you want to discover your hidden mental blocks and unlock your success and wealth, you can get his new book Unlock It for free here.