Do you need help dealing with gold diggers? Many wealthy people have unfulfilling relationships with others. Once your wealth reaches a certain level, relationship dynamics often change. That’s just the way it is.
People who didn’t care for you before, will suddenly want to be your friends when you’re rich. Others will ask you for help but never give anything back. And some people you were genuinely friends with before your wealth, will start demanding your help as if they are entitled to it. Conversations will often feel one-sided and people will seem to care more about your money than they care about you.
You won’t know who you can really trust. Are people just nice to you because they hope to get some of your money? Are they gold diggers or genuine friends?
You’ll need to learn strategies on how to spot genuine friendship and genuine relationships. Do it for your own well-being. You don’t want to go about your day mistrusting everyone. That will only cause you more suffering.
It doesn’t really matter if you are male or female. Gold diggers can be either gender. And they don’t only exist in romantic relationships. Gold diggers can also be among your friends.
In this article, I will go over what gold diggers are, how you can spot them, how to deal with them and how to get the kind of genuine relationships you truly want.
So, how can you deal with gold diggers, transactional relationships, and genuine friendship when you’re wealthy?
What Exactly Are Gold Diggers?
Gold diggers are in a relationship for access to someone’s money, rather than for love or genuine friendship. They might feign feelings of love and affection for you, but in truth, they want to benefit from your wealth.
When you withdraw their access to your money, gold diggers have no problem with leaving the relationship. They are extremely materialistic.
Such a relationship will leave both partners unfulfilled in the long run. You might feel like you are giving, giving, giving . . . but getting nothing back. Gold diggers actually suffer, too, because they have to fake their emotions and fake good intentions each and every day.
Remember that gold diggers can be male or female.
If you are a wealthy female, know that a male gold digger might want to get into a relationship with you. Or, other females might try to be your friend or business partner. Often they are very good at disguising their true motivations – so you only notice when it’s too late.
There are certain characteristics that most gold diggers share. If you pay attention, you might be able to spot the gold diggers in your life.
How Can You Spot Gold Diggers?
I believe that the best way to deal with gold diggers is to avoid them as best as you can. If you are observant, you can spot gold diggers and steer clear of them. So what are some common signs that tell you that a person might be a gold digger?
The Way They Speak
Gold diggers will very likely ask a lot of questions about your money and what you own. How much money do you make? Do you own a house? A car? Do you throw parties? They want to know it all.
So when you talk to a person and they ask a lot of questions about your career, your material possessions and your money – rather than asking about you and getting to know you – they might be gold diggers.
If they know you quite well, they will also ask you to loan them money or buy them something. If they are a business partner of yours they might want you to invest in the business more, instead of sharing the costs equally.
Of course, everybody can be in need sometimes, wanting to ask a friend for money. It can happen. But if they rely on you repeatedly without ever paying anything back or thanking you, that’s a sign they might be a gold digger.
The Way They Act
Gold diggers have certain behaviors that you can spot. When it comes to their job, they might work in lower-level positions. But they aren’t working on themselves or furthering their career. Instead, they try to leech off of somebody who is rich already. They don’t have a growth mentality like a rich person has.
Another typical behavior of gold digger is this:
They don’t appreciate small, inexpensive gifts. Nor do they appreciate acts of service (such as making them dinner). This counts especially for people who are already close to you. What they do appreciate, is expensive, material gifts. They feel very entitled to getting big, expensive gifts from you. So if a gold digger was your partner and you get them a box of chocolates or some flowers, for example, they wouldn’t be very happy. They want expensive, materialistic gifts.
If you get them flowers or something smaller they will make you feel guilty. You will hear, “You don’t appreciate me anymore” or similar complaints. So while you want to put a smile on their face with a lovely gift – they don’t appreciate it unless it’s expensive.
In other words, for gold diggers, it’s not the thought that counts. It’s the price tag that counts.
This could leave you feeling hurt or emotionally unbalanced. Because while you truly care about them, they don’t give back, nor do they appreciate your thoughtful gestures if money isn’t involved.
Gold diggers add no real value to your life.
Most gold diggers are well-dressed and stylish. Appearance matters to them – which is a good thing generally – however, this is often a sign that they are quite materialistic. So don’t let their appearance alone lure you into thinking that they are wealthy too.
They Ask You For Money
Another common trait of gold diggers is that they will ask you for money, or often ask you to pick up the bill. They will rely on you lending them your money and never pay it back. They basically use you as a human ATM machine.
The problem is, even if you see through them and you decide not to lend them any money anymore, they have their ways to push you. They even have their ways of subtly manipulating you into spending money on them or giving them money. Especially if they are a loved one who you truly care for. That’s why many wealthy people feel trapped and stay with gold diggers. Even if there is no logical reason for it. It’s more like emotional manipulation. It’s very hard to detect at times.
Gold diggers usually don’t ask you for money once. They want financial support from you again and again. They refuse to do the work themselves and would rather utilize your resources. Some gold diggers will even convince their rich partner to give them an allowance.
The Power of Environment
If you want to spot gold diggers, it’s a good idea to have a look at their friends. How do they behave? Are they gold diggers too? People are often very similar to their friends. That’s why your environment is so important. If all your friends behave a certain way, you will act similar to them. So, if all their friends are gold diggers, they likely will be too.
For you, as a wealthy person, the power of the environment has other consequences. You can’t allow people into your life that tear you down.
Take me as an example. When I was in my teens, I would hang out with the wrong people. My friends weren’t good for me and my teachers and parents got worried that I would turn criminal. So, my parents got me out of it by moving to another city – Vancouver. If I had stayed in the same environment as I had before, I would never be where I am today.
So, I urge you to ask yourself. Do the people you surround yourself further your growth? Or do they only make you feel drained?
Why Are Relationships With Gold Diggers Bad For You?
The problem with relationships with gold diggers is that these toxic relationships will affect your mental health. Some people argue that being in such a relationship isn’t that bad. I like to disagree. Relationships with gold diggers don’t add any value to your life. You are only wasting each other’s time.
Relationships with gold diggers are unhealthy relationships.
Once you are sure that they are only after your money you will feel betrayed. You will be mad at yourself for trusting them. I have seen wealthy people who went as far as hiding their money from their spouse, so they wouldn’t blow it on their next shopping trip. It’s a sad reality for many people.
Would They Stay If You Had No Money?
The final question to ask yourself in order to spot a gold digger in your life is this: would they stay by your side if you had less money or not much money at all? How much does your income matter to them? Is there anything beyond the money that is keeping the relationship together? Do you share the same values? Can you work as a team? Do you enjoy each other’s company? Does this person genuinely like you as a person, on a deeper level?
Really look beyond the surface, to see if they want you because of who you are as a person, or if they’re attracted to your money.
If money is truly the only thing that keeps the relationship alive, then you are in trouble. Even if you hope that they will change and become genuine, know that it's very unlikely. Click To Tweet
How Can You Deal With Gold Diggers in Your Life?
Perhaps you are suspicious that there are some gold diggers in your life. They way they act and talk makes you suspect that they are after your money. You suspect that they don’t even see who you really are as a person, or care.
Now how do you deal with that?
You will be hurt. Especially if you really loved and trusted this person.
You’ll be mad at them for betraying you. And mad at yourself for trusting the wrong person.
But you can get out of this. Becoming successful might mean that some people don’t grow with you. They only drain your energy.
The only way forward is to remove them from your life. Cut ties. Because after all, you want genuine and healthy relationships that fulfill you.
Get Clarity on the Type of Relationships You Want
So if you are suspicious that a person is a gold digger, find clarity on what your relationship with them is like. Do you talk mostly about money? Are they interested in growing as a person? Do they tend to manipulate you, however subtly?
You might want to have a talk with them. But I wouldn’t expect much from it. People rarely change. Most of us only change if we experience a lot of discomforts. Imagine you are sitting in a chair, you won’t move until your position gets uncomfortable. Most people are like that in life.
So, if gold diggers can comfortably live off your money then why should they change? There might be no reason for them to do so.
That’s why in my opinion, the only way to deal with them is to stop seeing them. Instead, get a circle of friends or a relationship where the other person is actually supporting you. Find a relationship where you each value who the other is on a human level, and you are truly able to grow together.
Now you might think, “Trading my resources for their love doesn’t sound that bad.” At least you will always feel loved, right? Let me explain why I think that such relationships don’t work.
Relationships with gold diggers are mostly transactional relationships. What exactly does that mean?
What Are Transactional Relationships?
Transactional relationships are relationships we have out of necessity. It almost feels like the two people are making a trade. Click To TweetA common mentality of gold diggers is, “I will make you feel like you are loved and in exchange, you will buy me nice things.” For some people, that works well enough and feels acceptable.
I don’t like transactional relationships because they lack depth. I believe that staying in such a relationship for a long time will take a toll on your mental health. How can you truly feel loved when you know they only stay with you because of your money?
As human beings, we are social animals and we need relationships and human connection. To be truly happy, our relationships need to fulfill us and inspire us. That type of fulfillment is usually not going to occur within transactional relationships. Transactional relationships lack genuine feelings.
I have had to learn this as I became wealthier and more successful. Your relationships are your environment. And your environment is key when it comes to growth or stagnation.
So, in transactional relationships, at least one side expects that they will get something from the other. Real relationships are meaningful because you learn and grow together. These healthy relationships that lead to growth for both people are often referred to as “transformational” relationships rather than transactional relationships.
In a transformational relationship, both sides are open and giving because it just feels right, and they genuinely care about each other’s happiness. These relationships are based on real human connection. You add value to each other’s life but you do it without expecting anything in return. It’s genuine. Doesn’t that sound far more ideal?
How To Find Genuine Relationships
If you want genuine relationships in your life – no matter if it’s a romantic relationship or a genuine friendship – you need one thing. You need to be clear about what you want from the other person.
I recommend making a list of the traits you want the other person to have. For example, you could write down five ‘must-haves’. Those are the qualities that the other person must absolutely fulfill. If they don’t, they aren’t for you. You should also have a list of a few ‘no-goes’. Those are the deal-breakers that you can’t accept in a spouse or friend. For example, a deal-breaker could be smoking, excessive spending, or drinking.
Have that list handy so that you are clear on what you want in a relationship. Then, communicate what’s on that list clearly with the other person. My wife Jennie and I did that. At the beginning of our relationship, we had a long talk and I told her what I need my partner to be like. I decided to tell her clearly and openly, so we wouldn’t waste each other’s time. If she would have said no to these things, at least we would have clarity and could move on. Back then, Jennie didn’t know if she could be that person for me. But she was very grateful that I told her and she tried. Today, Jennie and I are genuine partners in everything in life.
When it comes to genuine friendships, it’s very similar. Have clarity for yourself on what kind of friends you want. If you are an entrepreneur, for example, it’s unlikely that you would want friends that hang out in bars each day. You want friends who are also working on themselves, so that you can motivate each other and grow together. You don’t want friends who are gold diggers who want your money. Find people who are interested in your ideas and will support you instead of trying to benefit from you.
How To Master Your Relationships
I don’t want you to go out and distrust everyone. The point of this article isn’t to have you think that everybody out there is after your money. My goal is to help you see where you maybe had blinders on before.
You might have been so caught up in your relationship that you didn’t fully notice what was going on. You may have missed the signs that someone was a gold digger, and this article helped you see clearly.
Never forget that your environment and the people in your life have a big influence on you.
As a wealthy, successful person, I want you to value yourself and your time, and commit to your health and your success.
On my YouTube channel, I’m continuously giving advice on how to shift your mindset and become an even more successful entrepreneur. What would it mean to you to develop the mindset of a millionaire?
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